


TO. ^ LU 



ttiMtir 






%TON() ; mV N 



~V x r" 



.QF-CA1IFO&I 



_ 



LIBRARY 






SONNETS OF A 
BUDDING BARD 



BOOKS BY 

NIXON WATERMAN 
U 

A BOOK OF VERSES 
IN MERRY MOOD 
BOY WANTED 

u 

FORBES & COMPANY 
CHICAGO 




Sometimes I gel to wishin I might be 
A little lamb like Mary s, fond and true, 

With Susan Sanderson as Mary, see P 

We d play amidst the clover sweet with dew, 

And everywhere that she wast there d be me, 
And if she wasn t, I dst be elsewhere, too. 



SONNETS OF A 
BUDDING BARD 

BY 

NIXON WATERMAN 

WITH DRAWINGS BY 

JOHN A WILLIAMS 




CHICAGO 
FORBES & COMPANY 

1907 



Copyright, 7907, by 
THE CENTURY Co. 

Copyright, IQOJ, by 
FORBES AND COMPANY 



Primed by COLONIAL PRESS: 
C. H. Simonds 6- Co., Boston, U. S. A. 



CONTENTS 

ps 




SONNET PAGB 

I. Lines Wrote in School Whilst I Shouldst Have Been Studyin 

My Lesson . . . . . . . .11 

II. Thoughts Thought Whilst Thinkin about Mary and Her 

Pet Lamb . . . . . . . 13 

III. Lines Wrote Whilst Thinkin about How Pa Acts When 

Dressin Up . . . . . . . 1 5 

IV. Lines Wrote Whilst Realizin We Oughtst to Be Kind to 

Dumb Brutes . . . . . . . 1 7 

V. Sonnet Wrote Whilst Thinkin of Our Parents in the 

Garden of Eden . . . . . . 19 

VI. Lines Wrote Whilst Smartin from Punishment Received for 

Lyin . . . . . . . . .21 

VII. Thoughts Thought about Ma s Notions Regardin Love and 

House-keepin . ..... 23 

VIII. Thoughts Thought Whilst Th nkin of Peary on a Hot Sum 
mer Day . ..... 2 5 

IX. Thoughts Thought Whilst Th nkin of a Thanksgivin Day 

Turkey ... ..... 27 

X. Sonnet Wrote Whilst Thinkin of My Sister Maymie s 

Homely Beau ........ 29 



Go*&gt;o, 
f^~\_&gt; ^ 



CONTENTS 

SONNET PAGE 

XI. Lines Wrote Whilst Recovering from an Accident Caused 

by a Hornet . . . . . . . 3 1 

XII. Lines Wrote on a Summer Day Whilst Thinkin of a Soda 

Fountain . . . . . . . . -33 

XIII. Lines Wrote After Bein Scolded for Not Doin as Chil 

dren Used To . . . . . . . -35 

XIV. Lines Wrote On Readin How Cleopatra Made Men Act 

Very Foolish . . . . . . . -37 

XV. Sonnet Wrote Whilst Thinkin What I Wouldst Do with 

Carnegie s Gold . . . . . . -39 

XVI. Some Thoughts Thought Whilst Havin to Bathe in a 

Bath-tub . . . . . . . . 41 

XVII. Lines Wrote in School Whilst Throwin Glances at Susan 

Sanderson ........ 43 

XVIII. Thoughts Thought Whilst Mowin the Lawn on a Satur 
day Afternoon ........ 45 

XIX. Sonnet Wrote on the Fly-leaf of My Grammar Durin 

School Hours ........ 47 

XX. Thoughts Thought on Hearin Folks Find Fault with the 

Weather ......... 49 

XXI. Lines Wrote After Seein Shakespeare s Hamlet from an 

Upper Gallery . . . . . . 5 1 

XXII. Sonnet Wrote Whilst Retrospectively Comemplatin My First 

Cigar . . . .53 

XXIII. Sonnet Wrote Whilst Thinkin Abcut a Vacation Spent on a 

Farm . . . . . . . . -55 

XXIV. Lines Composed After Seein a Book Full of Byron s Love 

Letters . . . . . . . . -57 

XXV. Sonnet Wrote After Hearin a Youth Oratin about " Casa- 

bianca " ......... 59 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 






LINES WROTE IN SCHOOL WHILST I SHOULDST 
HAVE BEEN STUDYIN MY LESSON 

I VE just about madest up my mind to be 
A poet such as Shakespeare and the rest 
Of them big literary gents, and dressed 
In velvet clothes, write up the things I see 
In some grand style to show that Browning he 
Hast been done up! And when plain folks request 



ii 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

My autograph, then, throwin out my chest, 
I list make them wish that they wast great like me! 

I m tired dwellin midst surroundin s where 
Cheap things art always waitin to be done: 

I dst rather loaf and dream and have long hair 
Like all great poets dost: and, oh! what fun, 

To dash off lays and sell them, then and there, 
Whenever I list be needin any " mon." 




12 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




v- 



THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST THINKIN ABOUT 
MARY AND HER PET LAMB 

FULL oft I \e read how Mary s lamb didst go 
Where er his kind and lovin mistress went, 
As if the little creature wast content 

If it couldst only be where she wast. Oh, 

I realize what madest it hanker so 

To be in school that day: it surely meant 

13 



It loved her! Yet, that mean old teacher bent 
On bossin things he didst not seem to know. 

Sometimes I get to wishin I might be 
A little lamb like Mary s, fond and true, 

With Susan Sanderson as Mary, see? 

We d play amidst the clover sweet with dew, 

And everywhere that she wast there d be me, 
And if she wasn t, I dst be elsewhere, too. 




SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

; - 

n li a 




LINES WROTE WHILST THINKIN ABOUT HOW 
PA ACTS WHEN DRESSIN* UP 

WHILST pa and ma art dressin up to go 

To church or somewhere, so I Ve heard ma tell 
The neighbor women, pa tears round pell-mell 
And turns things upside down, and wants to know 
Who hid his clothes! and makes ma stop and show 
Him where to find them. Ma she know st full well 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

They re where he s kept them since he earnest to 

dwell 
In our house: that s been twenty years or so. 

And when ma s donest her level best to try 
To help pa so he wilt not fuss and fret, 

And found his clothes, shoes, collar, cuffs and tie, 
And there ain t nothin more for her to get, 

Pa looks at her and with an awful sigh 

Says: " Thunderation! Ain t you ready yet?" 




16 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




Cw) 



LINES WROTE WHILST REALIZIN WE OUGHTST 
TO BE KIND TO DUMB BRUTES 

WISE William Goat, familiarly addressed 
As " Billy! " Thou art an amusin brute, 
For thou hast some traits that are truly cute 
And others, still, so it must be confessed, 
That I hast learned in sorrow to detest. 
Tis fun to see thee, in thy manner mute, 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

When boys dost tease thee, give some one a " beaut, 
Yet, he who s " it " deems thee a sorry jest. 

Yestreen I met some other boys, and we, 
At thy expense, wert havin much delight 

Till thou got st round to where I didst not see 
That thou wast headed my way. Sorry plight! 

That s why I write this standin - - woe is me!- 
And slept st upon my bosom all last night. 




18 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




SONNET WROTE WHILST THINKIN OF OUR 
PARENTS IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN 

O ADAM and O Eve! How very nice 

It must have been to live where you wast at. 
No neighbors anywhere with whom to spat, 

Nor any one to give you free advice. 

Ma says she d gladly pay most any price 
For such a lay-out. And she s certain that 

19 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

Because there wert no servants in your flat 
Is how you earnest to call it " Paradise." 

And pa says that if Eve hadst dressed the way 
Our women do we shouldst have missed the fate 

Of goin forth into the world to stray, 

For she d be somewhere, still, inside the gate 

Delayin things, as women dost to-day, 
A-tryin for to pin her hat on straight. 







20 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




LINES WROTE WHILST SMART1N* FROM PUN 
ISHMENT RECEIVED FOR LYIN* 

O WASHINGTON! (O Reader, hast thou not 
In readin high-toned poems wrote for show, 
Observed how many of them start with " O? " 
Well, anyhow, there is an awful lot.) 
The noble deeds thou wrought st are not forgot 

But serve to make thy name, where er we go, 

21 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

A household word. If all they say is so 
Thou didst some mighty clever stunts. That s what; 

And yet, thy fame belongest to thy dad ; 

Thou shinest by reflected light, forsooth, 
For thou rt the only boy that ever had 

A pa who, when his son dared tell the truth 
About some kiddish prank didst not get mad 

And lamm him! O thou heaven-protected youth! 




22 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




THOUGHTS THOUGHT ABOUT MA S NOTIONS 
REGARDIN LOVE AND HOUSE - KEEPIN 

WHEN sister Maymie saidst she d like to learn 
To sweep the keys of a piano-forte, 
Ma she spoke up and cut her right off short 
And saidst she d rather that a girl of her n 
Shouldst know just how to sweep a room, nor spurn 
A poor but honest man, for that s the sort 

2 3 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

Pa wast. And ma insists no woman ort 
To spend more money than a man canst earn. 

A kid-gloved dandy with a stove-pipe hat 

Wed ma s proud cousin. Say, but he wast sly! 

" Our home shalt be next thing to Heaven! " That 
Wast what he vowed. Ma says that that s no lie 

For they art packed into a stingy flat 

Four stairways up, and plumb against the sky! 




24 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST THINKIN OF 
PEARY ON A HOT SUMMER DAY 

O PEARY! With the scorchin summer here 
And everybody payin double price 
For little weeny, teeny bits of ice, 
It dost no longer seem so very queer 
That thou shouldst have the bravery to steer 
Thy ship up North where it is cool and nice. 

25 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

I 11 bet you smile whilst thinkin thou hast twice 
The fun we re havin at this time of year. 

And, say! old boy, since thou dost understand 

The pole is an imaginary spot, 
Why not " imagine " thou hast found it and 

Of time and trouble save an awful lot? 
Couldst others track thee to that frozen land 

And prove thou didst not find it? I guess not! 





SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST THINKIN OF A 
THANKSGIVIN DAY TURKEY 

O EAGLE! emblem of my country, thou, 
Who art the boss of every other bird, 
My muse, to find the highfalutin word 

With which to name thee, dost not know just how. 

Yet tis not thee who hast, I must allow, 

My patriotic breast the deepest stirred, 

27 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

And they who planned our country s banner erred 
In makin thee the sign to which we bow. 

For whilst, O Eagle, thou dost dare to climb 
The highest mountain peak and greet the sun, 

It is the turkey that dost nearest rhyme 
With all the lofty thrills that through us run; 

He beats thee to a standstill every time, 

For, stuffed and roasted say! he takes the bun! 




28 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




SONNET WROTE WHILST THINK1N OF MY 
SISTER MAYMIE S HOMELY BEAU 

O LOVE! Tis saidst that thou art blind. Alas! 
I didst not think that it wast truly so 
Until I saw my sister Maymie s beau 

Who s awful stingy and as green as grass! 

How love canst make such guys as he is pass 

For something beautiful, I dost not know. 

29 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

Hadst I my way, you bet! he d stand no show 
Of settin in our parlor wastin gas. 

He steals things, too! Last night whilst in a nook 
Of our dark hall I heardst him say: " Alack! 

I must steal one! " This morn I went st to look 
And found st all our umbrellas in the rack, 

And so I guess whatever twast he took, 

My sister Maymie madest him give it back. 




SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




LINES WROTE WHILST RECOVERIN FROM AN 
ACCIDENT CAUSED BY A HORNET 

O HORNET! When I think st what thou canst do 
To make strong men just hump themselves and run, 
Men who wouldst boldly face a ten-inch gun 
But lack the " sand " to halt whilst you pursue. 
And deem st thy stinger something they wouldst rue, 
I Ve wondered if, when things that weigh a ton 

3 1 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

Flee from thy wrath, thou dost not deem it fun 
To chase folks that are so much bigger n you. 

Didst I accordin to my size possess 
The means for gettin even thou dost own, 

Twouldst be great sport to tackle well, 1 guess 1- 
A boy most any size, and hear him moan 

As I didst when thou gavest me that caress 
From something hotter than the torrid zonel 






LINES WROTE ON A SUMMER DAY WHILST 
THINKIN OF A SODA-FOUNTAIN 

WHEN I m a man I shalt not care to be 
The President of these United States: 
I dst rather be the drug-store clerk who waits 
On people at the soda-fountain. He 
Hast lots more first-class fun, it seems to me, 
For whilst the public dost not get rebates 

33 



On soda, he canst get it at cut rates, 
And lots of times, I 11 bet, he gets it free! 

Of course, I know it must be pretty fine 

To hear the brass bands and the big bass drums 

Come marchin by the White House all in line 
And playin : "See, the Conquerin Hero Comes! 

And, yet, no presidential job in mine: 

The soda clerk s the one that gets the plums! 




34 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




LINES WROTE AFTER BEIN SCOLDED FOR NOT 
DOIN AS CHILDREN USED TO 

I YEARX ST to live to be ten times as old 
As wast Mathusalem, the patriarch: 
Then when some older person durst remark: 
"When I wast young the children were n t so bold 
And always loved to do as they wert told, 
And went to bed soon after it wast dark; " 

35 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

I list say to him: My errin friend, now hark 
To one who wilt no longer hear thee scold : 

I knew thy great-great-great-grand-parents when 
They wert sly youngsters vexin their poor nurse, 

And children now art good as they wert then! 
They always have been stubborn, mean, perverse, 

And always wilt be, since, alas! like men, 

They re just as heaven makes them only worse 




SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 







LINES WROTE ON READIN* HOW CLEOPATRA 
MADE MEN ACT VERY FOOLISH 

To-DAY I readst in an old history book 
How Cleopatra used to make men do 
Just any fool thing that she wanted to 

By givin them a " lovey-dovey " look. 

Time wast, long, long ago, when I dst have shook 
My head and saidst the story wast not true, 

37 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

But that, alas! that wast before I knew 
Miss Susan S. who hast my fancy took. 

To-day I hadst an apple I dst have not 
Let any boy in school taste, but when she 

Asked couldst she have a bite and took a lot, 
I didst not mind at all, for, oh, to me, 

Where she hadst bit hadst somehow made the spot 
Taste awful sweet! Thu s dost love rule us. See? 




SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




SONNET WROTE WHILST THINKIN WHAT I 
WOULDST DO WITH CARNEGIE S GOLD 

O GREAT Carnegie! With thy wealth, oh, my I 
I dost not know exactly what I d do, 
But seem st to me I d have more fun than you 
Art havin with it. Anyhow, if I 
Hadst money, as they say, " to burn," I d try 
To burn it here, for, oh! twouldst make me blue 

39 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

To think I d have to smell it burnin through 
The endless eons of the by and by! 

And you can bet if I hadst gold in bins 
As thou hast got, in quantities so vast 

Thou canst not spend it, I d buy diamond pins 
And soda water to the very last! 

And I d be sorry that I wast not twins 

So I couldst spend my fortune twice as fast. 




40 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




SOME THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST HAVIN 
TO BATHE IN A BATH-TUB 

I DON T like bathin in a bath-tub. Say! 
It s no more like a good old swimmin -hole 
Where you can dive right in and splash and roll 

Or anything you please, than work s like play! 

Some afternoon of a hot summer day 
When thou from school and poky things hast stole, 

41 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

Oh, ain t it good for heart and brain and soul 
To plunge right in and swim your own sweet way? 

I pity folks who bathe where they must wear 
A bathin -suit! I wouldst have none in mine. 

Give me a good old shady corner where 

Nobody s lookin . That s what I call " fine! " 

And when I bathe in this sawed-off affair, 

The swimmin -hole s the thing for which I pine. 



42 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




LINES WROTE IN SCHOOL WHILST THROWIN* 
GLANCES AT SUSAN SANDERSON 

" OH, what is love? " the poet asks. I guess 

I dst better tell him. When a girl s cheeks seem 
As fascinatin to you as ice-cream. 
And though snub-nosed and freckled, more or less, 
She s still the phantom of pure loveliness 
That ever and anon athwart your dream 

43 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

Comes stealin , whilst you scheme and scheme and 

scheme 
To be where she is, thou rt in love! Oh, yes! 

When you keep thinkin how you dst squeeze her 
hand 

If sometime thou couldst be her little glove, 
And if thou feelst that thou wouldst like to stand, 

With only just the frosty stars above, 
In some big snowdrift neath her window and 

Stay there forever, then thou art in love! 




44 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST MOWIN THE 
LAWN ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON 

CIRCUS DAY! So very brief art thou, 

From early morn when first doth rise the tent 
Till midnight comes and all the show hath went; 
Thou rt like a swiftly passin dream. Oh, how 

1 wish the laggin tasks that wet the brow 
With per-spi-ra-tion (sweat is what I meant) 

45 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

Would haste as thou dost haste. How different 
This world wouldst be from what we find it now! 

Or twouldst be better still if time wouldst pass, 
Whilst laughin at the antics of the clown, 

As slow as run st the sands within the glass 

Whilst I, neath sun that almost melts me down, 

Must mow the lawn. O Fate, why must, alas! 
Thy smile be so much shorter than thy frown? 






SONNET WROTE ON THE FLY-LEAF OF MY 
GRAMMAR DURIN SCHOOL HOURS 

EDUCATION! Maybe them art all 
Our teachers tell us, but just let me say 

That if my folks wouldst let me have my way, 
From early Spring till frost comes in the Fall 

1 dst be outdoors, you bet! a-playin ball 
Or otherwise enjoyin each fine day. 

47 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

It seem st a shame for boys to have to stay 
Like culprits shut in by a prison wall! 

I guess if you get rich folks wilt not care 
If you don tst know your grammar to a T, 

For baby boys, you list find most everywhere, 
Art named for uncles who hast money, see? 

Though they hain tst got no learnin they canst spare 
Nor never spell their taters with a p. 




48 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




THOUGHTS THOUGHT ON HEARIN* FOLKS FIND 
FAULT WITH THE WEATHER 

I LOVE cold winter weather with the snow 
A-driftin on the walks I hast to clear, 
And frost a-bitin nose and cheek and ear, 
With the thermometer "awav below. 1 
I also love the summer when it s so 

Red-hot that clothes next to you all " adhere " 

49 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

And everybody s frantic, pretty near, 
And sayin things that hot folks dost, you know? 

I love both seasons, but I wish I could 

Enjoy them whilst they re with us, for, you see, 

It s winter when the summer seem st so good, 
And summer when the winter pleases me. 

But, somehow, I have never understood 
Why either of them whilst it s here s " n. g." 




SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




LINES WROTE AFTER SEEIN SHAKESPEARE S 
HAMLET FROM AN UPPER GALLERY 

O SHAKESPEARE! Thou whom st all the world dost 

think 

Hast written some good things, I, too, wouldst pay 
My best respects to thee; yet, wouldst I say 
That whilst I like thee yet I dost not shrink 
From tellin thee that thou art on the " blink " 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

And very sadly out of date to-day. 
Still, if thou It follow my advice thou may 
Still count as one of us, and get more " chink." 

Your plays ain t any good the way they stand: 

Thou ought st to tone them up with something nice 

Some coon-songs, fire-engines, blood-hounds and 
A swingin bridge and chunks of floatin ice 

Wouldst make your old plays draw to beat the band, 
And folks wouldst crowd your show at any price! 




SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




SONNET WROTE WHILST RETROSPECTIVELY 
CONTEMPLATIN MY FIRST CIGAR 

OH, woe is me! and other things like that! 
Yestreen I soughtst to smoke my first cigar: 
It gav st my system a tremendous jar! 

I didst not have the gumption of a gnat. 

All night I couldst not tell where I wast at. 

I wish I knew just what those cheap smokes are; 

53 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

It seem st to me they re made of glue and tar. 
Ah, me! I m weaker than a half-starved cat. 

Oh, let them smoke henceforth, say st I, who will, 
For who am I that I shouldst dare condemn 

Their vile tobacco? I have hadst my fill: 
Let others have it; I sha n tst envy them, 

For I list not never smoke no more until 
I m ten times older than Mathusalem! 




54 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 







SONNET WROTE WHILST THINKIN ABOUT A 
VACATION SPENT ON A FARM 

FARMER, independentest of all 

Mankind art thou! I know, because, last year 
I spent my whole vacation, pretty near, 
On Uncle Eben s farm, and though I m small, 

1 hoed the corn and beans, and helped him haul 
And stack his hay. I dst work until I dst fear 

55 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

I dst just drop down and end my sad career 
Before they dst give the welcome dinner call. 

My uncle dost not weigh his words with care, 
For once he told me that I wast a shirk; 

But I wouldst rather breathe the country air 
Than be a shut-in office-boy or clerk; 

For I found out whilst visitin out there 
That I like farmin , but I hate farm work. 




SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




LINES COMPOSED AFTER SEEIN* A BOOK FULL 
OF BYRON S LOVE LETTERS 

O NE reason why I m most afraid to get 
So famous like we poets always do, 
Is that they 11 print my spoony letters, too, 
As is the way with all of us who let 
Our fancies caper. Hadst I thought whilst yet 
Unknown, I dst be a poet, quite a few 

57 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

Endearin words with which I soughtst to woo 
More girls than one I dst not have wrote, you bet! 

If Susan Sanderson shouldst find I sent 
The valentine I saidst I wrote for her 

To Jane Jones, too, the thirty cents I Ve spent 
For soda water s wasted, I dst infer: 

Why must we poets do things we 11 repent? 
And oh! why thus didst me and Byron err? 




SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 




SONNET WROTE AFTER HEARIN A YOUTH 
ORATIN ABOUT "CASABIANCA" 

O BOY, that stood st upon the burnin deck 
And gotst thyself in our school readers and 
The " Whoop- er-up " school speakers of our land 
Because thou wouldst not leave that sinkin wreck, 
Oh, don tst thou think if thou hadst saved thy neck 
And wisely cut and run to beat the band, 

59 



SONNETS OF A BUDDING BARD 

Thou couldst have later done things still more 

grand? 
Alas! too soon didst death thy valor check! 

Oh, didst thou stay because thou couldst not swim? 

Or wast it fame for which thy heart didst yearn? 
Of course thou gotst a name time canst not dim, 

But seemst to me that all I canst discern 
In thy foolhardy, stickin -to-it whim 

Is that thou deemed the world hadst boys to burn. 




60 



University of California 

SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 

305 De Neve Drive - Parking Lot 17 Box 951388 

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90095-1388 

Return this material to the library from which it was borrowed. 



NON -RENEWp 







* srsJty 



ECEWK 






PS Waterman - 
3545 Sonnets of a 

.TP.Q^g hard 




PS 

35 
W298s 



(3d 



rrt 









